You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
