The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
