textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
