my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
