Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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