Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
