So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
