Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
