You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
