Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
