There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
