I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
