well you can't waste a boner
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
