I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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