Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
