meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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