I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
