I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
