I hope mine doesn't look like that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
