Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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