its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
