i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
