I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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