well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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