No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
