It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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