Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
