I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
