Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
