If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
