So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
