all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
