Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
