Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
