i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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