the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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