so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
