Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
