what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
