If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
