Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
