My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
