do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
