in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
