I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
