I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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