I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
