pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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