ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
