i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
