the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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