so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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