when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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